For my girl
Hey my beautiful, eldest daughter,
Your passion for horse riding is incredible. We may not always listen with the fervent attention you seek but that’s because we don’t understand your passion to the extent that you do. It’s akin to you not listening to your dad when he talks about planes. Different strokes for different folks. But I love hearing how much research you’ve done, that you have a plan in order to own a horse. Your grin when you got back in the saddle last week was a large as a Cheshire Cat. Clearly the saddle is your happy place. You know what you like and for someone of 12 that’s great but don’t forget to be adaptable. Leave yourself open to liking other things too. I simultaneously love and am distressed by your getting up around 6am in order to ‘train yourself’ for when you’re older and own a horse. But I love that you bring me a cup of tea to wake me up. That bit can always continue.
I love watching how your relationships with friends and family grow and change. The times you spend with your mates having a chat, discovering who are your friends and who you aren’t that keen on, learning how to combat that difference. That last one has caused some troubles, eh? But you’re learning and that’s ok. We are constantly growing and changing as individuals. We will always come across people we instantly relate to and others who we’re not so keen on. That’s ok too. We aren’t going to like or be liked by everyone. I think that can be tricky for you because you love making people happy. What a wonderful quality that is but it can also lead to difficult confrontations. Everyone on this earth is an individual and therefore not like you - you are unique. Be you. That’s the best piece of advice I can ever give you. Be you. Be who you are. Don’t change for someone else. Down that path leads misery. Be you, be kind, be polite and be true, mainly to you. If you don’t like someone walk away from them. They don’t need telling that you don’t like them. You know personally how hurtful that can be. Trust your instincts but try not to hide. Be our wonderful girl. Be you.
I admire how you see the world. You see coronavirus and ask “why?”. You see ‘black lives matter’ and hear about discrimination of all kinds and ask “why does it exist?”. You see the destruction of wildlife, the pollution of our beautiful world, you see cruelty to animals and with tears in your eyes you ask “why?” You even decided a friendship could go no further when you heard that person exclaim that climate change was a problem for his children. You don’t see why people disregard the proof of science and don’t make changes immediately. You want to make a change. You cry over images of animals that are hurt or abandoned. You’ve influenced your parents to become less accepting about all this. You have been on marches to ask for change. You will only buy animal-friendly makeup. You want to own an animal rescue centre when you’re older and to rescue and rehome every animal you can. You love reading. You absorb so much information. You love Minecraft. Your patronus and spirit animal is a falcon. You believe in family. You love peanut butter sandwiches. Your love of animals has taken you down the path of vegetarianism in some of the most challenging countries in which to be a vegetarian. You are a lovely sister and daughter.
This is my open letter to you. I want you to be able to go back and read things again and again. Plus, I know you prefer reading to listening to me! So I thought I’d get it all down digitally and then you can look at it whenever you like. And you never know, it may help somebody who’s just like you.
Why am I writing this now? Because you’re going through a lot of changes, not just physically but mentally too. You’re becoming a wonderful young woman and it’s fabulous to see how amazing you will become. This is partly for you now and partly for future you.
I love who your role models are currently. J.K. Rowling has another fan and has shown you just what girls and women can do. Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood are your friends and peers. Emma Watson shows your the woman behind the girl you currently are. Your love of horse riding has led to another role model and idolisation of Esme (an equestrian YouTuber). I’m sure there are others you haven’t told me of but so far your judgement is good. They all support charities, are strong, independent and promoting female equality.
Your passion for horse riding is incredible. We may not always listen with the fervent attention you seek but that’s because we don’t understand your passion to the extent that you do. It’s akin to you not listening to your dad when he talks about planes. Different strokes for different folks. But I love hearing how much research you’ve done, that you have a plan in order to own a horse. Your grin when you got back in the saddle last week was a large as a Cheshire Cat. Clearly the saddle is your happy place. You know what you like and for someone of 12 that’s great but don’t forget to be adaptable. Leave yourself open to liking other things too. I simultaneously love and am distressed by your getting up around 6am in order to ‘train yourself’ for when you’re older and own a horse. But I love that you bring me a cup of tea to wake me up. That bit can always continue.
Don’t get me wrong sometimes you’re infuriating! You’re so like me it drives me crazy because I think “don’t do that! You’ll regret it!” But then I remember that you need to learn things for yourself. I can give you advice but only life can give you experience. When you scream at us or your siblings in anger or confusion it reminds me of who I used to be. I know what I have learned since then and I am trying to guide you through. Whilst your dad loves you dearly he sometimes can’t understand where you’re coming from. He’s never been a 12 year old girl and whilst he can sympathise with all the changes you are going through he can’t empathise. Also, you and he have very similar tempers, quick to flare and quick to disappear. It can cause clashes but that’s just natural. Also, your fiddling drives us all mental. You can’t leave things alone and always need something in your hands, even if that’s the nearest human! You sometimes are so drawn to our hair or clothes that you have to touch them. You’re tactile, which is fine, but a little more respect of personal space would be appreciated. Remember you can always ask for a hug. You’re learning patience and how to change your voice. It’s a slow road and your volume control is still missing but thats will come with time as will patience.
I love watching how your relationships with friends and family grow and change. The times you spend with your mates having a chat, discovering who are your friends and who you aren’t that keen on, learning how to combat that difference. That last one has caused some troubles, eh? But you’re learning and that’s ok. We are constantly growing and changing as individuals. We will always come across people we instantly relate to and others who we’re not so keen on. That’s ok too. We aren’t going to like or be liked by everyone. I think that can be tricky for you because you love making people happy. What a wonderful quality that is but it can also lead to difficult confrontations. Everyone on this earth is an individual and therefore not like you - you are unique. Be you. That’s the best piece of advice I can ever give you. Be you. Be who you are. Don’t change for someone else. Down that path leads misery. Be you, be kind, be polite and be true, mainly to you. If you don’t like someone walk away from them. They don’t need telling that you don’t like them. You know personally how hurtful that can be. Trust your instincts but try not to hide. Be our wonderful girl. Be you.
This leads me on to makeup and fashion, two things you have an evolving interest in. I love that you’re finding your own style and experimenting with makeup and clothing to express the inner you. I love that you base the style around the practicalities of owning a horse because of your training for your future self. There is one thing I would like to say: the most beautiful person you can be is yourself. Makeup is great for self-expression and if you sometimes need it for some confidence then go for it. If you want to wear it as part of your outfit for the day then do so. But remember make up doesn’t make you who you are. Makeup is akin to doing your hair. Sometimes we forget to brush our hair and don’t care because it’s a pyjama day, and some days we want to do our hair and makeup because we like to. Some days we want our best outfit and high heels and perfect make up. Others pjs and slippers. And other pjs, slippers and some new experimental makeup. Your choice. Makeup is for you, not anybody else. I wear makeup only for a night out or a performance. I found I didn’t like it at other times and prefer my naked face. In truth I also can’t be bothered everyday. You know what I’m like. Sometimes I'm lucky to remember to get dressed! I love your use of colour and your outfit coordinations. It’s not going to be long before you’re teaching me a thing or two. Already I find that clothes shopping with you is extremely dangerous because you spot things I will like and encourage me to buy them. But I do love our more grownup times. Spending time with my eldest girl is so special. I love taking you for coffee and having a chat. I like to think you’re my friend as well as my daughter.
I admire how you see the world. You see coronavirus and ask “why?”. You see ‘black lives matter’ and hear about discrimination of all kinds and ask “why does it exist?”. You see the destruction of wildlife, the pollution of our beautiful world, you see cruelty to animals and with tears in your eyes you ask “why?” You even decided a friendship could go no further when you heard that person exclaim that climate change was a problem for his children. You don’t see why people disregard the proof of science and don’t make changes immediately. You want to make a change. You cry over images of animals that are hurt or abandoned. You’ve influenced your parents to become less accepting about all this. You have been on marches to ask for change. You will only buy animal-friendly makeup. You want to own an animal rescue centre when you’re older and to rescue and rehome every animal you can. You love reading. You absorb so much information. You love Minecraft. Your patronus and spirit animal is a falcon. You believe in family. You love peanut butter sandwiches. Your love of animals has taken you down the path of vegetarianism in some of the most challenging countries in which to be a vegetarian. You are a lovely sister and daughter.
In short you are a wonderful human being. Sure we all have our negative thoughts and times but those are only surface deep. Your heart is pure and beautiful. Listen to it. Sometimes our hearts know best. Your dad has said from day one that he thought you would either be president of the world or an evil genius. You know which path we’re encouraging you on. Just remember to be kind, be happy and be you.
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