Taking stock

Hi there,

It’s been a couple of weeks and a couple of weeks in which loads has happened. Firstly my husband has had to see loads of colleagues and friends leave work. Due to the downsizing of the company many expats have returned or will return to their home countries. A lot of people within our community here have been affected by the downsizing. A few are looking on the positive side with one of our closer friends determined to make the best of it. Being in a furlough situation in a country they love which they haven’t finished exploring yet means this family has taken the positive view that it’s a golden opportunity - they have an income and are able to explore a new and exciting country. Whether they’ll stay until the end of the furlough is unknown, as is so much, but for now they’re purely positive which is great to see. Another couple we know have bought a camper van and are off. I’m a little jealous and I know my husband is!

A lot of people just aren’t sure. Having never been in such a situation they don’t quite know how they feel. It’s going to taken them time to adjust and work out what they want to do. Do they want to travel? Do they want to job hunt? Do they just want to take a month off and relax for a while? I feel for these people. They’re mostly quiet in their anxiety and I just want to hug them and tell them to take this time they’ve been given to work it all out.

And then there’s the group of people who need a scapegoat. Some of these people have decided my husband had a hand in the decision making for who was furloughed, who was sacked and who stayed. He didn’t. He had no clue. He nervously sat waiting like everyone else. He didn’t know who in his own team was safe until the day everyone else did. And yet a few individuals decided to verbally abuse him in the office. He took it on the chin but needed to take stock on his way home and just sat on a bench, drinking a beer, working out what he could do. In short he’s powerless. He’d love to be able to say who he thinks is capable of the jobs he needs filling in his team but everything is so uncertain right now. 

I’ve never seen my lovely man hit so hard about anything at work. I wanted to find out who these people were that shouted at him in the office and give them a talking to in my own way. But, my husband saw my aggressive streak rise, and wouldn’t tell me. It wouldn’t have helped but I wanted to defend him. He works so hard and anyone who’s worked with him knows that. He’s been promoted in his job here because he’s earned it. He has a strong moral compass. He has a heart. He has a conscience. He was and is seriously worried about individuals in his team that he can no longer help. He’s a lovely, caring, wonderful man. He’s hardly stopped to think about himself. 

That’s where I come in. Some days I’ve turned into a nagging wife and told him to eat. Some days I’ve been gentle and made him a cuppa or poured a beer. Some days I’ve had to tell him straight not to take his stress out on the kids as it’s not their fault. He hasn’t deliberately and the kids haven’t annoyed him deliberately. Just two or more individuals coming from different places. The kids love him and worry about him. 

We wanted to show him how much we love him for Father’s Day. We went to Nara for the weekend. It’s not far from us and we could’ve made a long day of it but we needed to get him away. So we went and saw deer, deer and more deer. Nara is famous for its deer park. The animals are wild but they bow if you offer them a deer cookie which you can buy at the park. Hubby bought 5 packets and the deer mobbed him with one trying to bite his bum to get the cookies!

After we worked out to hide the cookies it was a lovely trip. You hold a cookie high and the deer bow their head, give them the cookie and bow yourself. A lot of bowing and feeding ensued. The little one had a wobbly at one point but she was the same height as the deer, or shorter in some cases, so it was understandable.

We had a lovely time sitting at the temples where the deer live, feeding the deer, seeing the giant Buddha in Todaiji temple, eating outside on a restaurant balcony, watching the deer chasing others who’d just bought cookies. It was a lovely trip and I’m glad we took the time to stay overnight and make something of it. Just what we all needed.

And now a little something directed at that man:

So, my darling husband, you may not be home much, you may exclaim “I need a beer” before you say “hello”, you may forget our kids don’t mean it, you may forget that they want cuddles for your needs as much as theirs, you may forget that although I struggle with pain I am strong, you may worry about us, about work, about the future but whatever happens one thing is certain - we love you so very much. You are wonderful, a very hard worker (and anyone who says otherwise I’ll have words with) and a dedicated husband and father. We’re here and we’re with you on this.