Self-love and self-care

Good morning/evening/afternoon* (*delete as applicable),

Today I am preaching self-love. I don't usually preach as I'm never sure it has the desired affect but today I am. Why? Because I've changed , man! (Insert appropriate sufer-dude accent here). Actually I feel like I've woken up. For years, and I really do mean years, my husband has been telling me to "take it easy" or "take it steady, my love". Whenever I say I feel like I've failed at something he simply looks me in the eye and says "Chronic illness!". In short he does his best to encourage a little self-love and self-care every now and then.

For years my poor husband has been taking this stance with me. He never makes me feel guilty for not washing up or doing the washing because he knows my energy levels have a mind of their own. In fact I make myself feel guilty. Sometimes he even comes home and tells me off for having done housework. He knows that if I spend energy on mundane things that don't really matter then I won't have any left to spend on the kids. And he's right. And yes, this time you can tell him that. 

So why haven't I listened before now? Well, to be honest, its partly because I don't want him to come home after work and have to do a million and one things. His brain power needs to be on work, especially at the moment with various things going on. Plus, I feel like it's my job to look after the kids, its my role. Not because I'm a woman, but because that's the job I've decided to do. I've been interviewed by the kids and they deem me suitable. Add to that I felt guilty if I went for a coffee and left tons of washing and (probably most importantly) I didn't know how to self-love. I have been learning that it doesn't need to be huge, a small thing will do. So the other morning I waxed my legs and made a coffee whilst the littlest one played. She was happy, I was happy and everyone else is where they're meant to be. And in that moment clarity struck: it’s a few simple things that can make a difference to my mind and my spirit and therefore my energy.

This week, when our youngest turns 5 and expects all sorts of things, I put myself under pressure to deliver. But I’ve let go of getting one thing done on time this year - crochet. This has helped me tremendously. It means I’ve enjoyed the run up to the birthday rather than fretting and staying up far too late the night before and then not enjoying it the actual day. Our little one woke up on her birthday and ran downstairs to find a badly drawn snowflake in blue icing with sprinkles on top of a chocolate sponge. “Mummy made me a Frozen cake!” It’s all about perspective. And the life I felt in that very instant made me all warm and fuzzy.

What else am I doing other than waxing my legs, drinking coffee and drawing asymmetrical snowflakes? I shall tell you.

• Making sure I see friends and have adult conversation - I see, talk to friends all the time and have been making sure I talk to my family more recently as well. Its easy to slip into a world of whatsapp and messenger and not actually talk so I've been making sure that happens more. Its good for the mind and the soul.

• Yoga - I'm a firm fan of Yoga with Adriene as most of you will know. I've been practising with her for a number of years but recently I've decided to take it up a notch. My aim now is to see Adriene every day whether that be for a rigorous workout, a simple stretch or a meditation. I decided to subscribe to her Find What Feels Good yoga page. Its well worth it if you want a little more.

• Cutting out caffeine and alcohol - to some this will seem both alien and extreme and I assure you that that was me a little while ago. Then I kept getting terrible migraines to the extent I wasn't capable of looking after the kids. Thanks heaven the big two are old enough to phone their dad and help their little sister. But I decided I needed to look into it more. Some quick research revealed that caffeine and alcohol were two very common major factors so they went. I've been keeping a food diary to see if anything else if causing them. So far coffee is definitely a major thing, even when decaf. Down to only 1 coffee a day for me, even a decaf. Sad but necessary and the effect has been almost instantaneous. It also helps that the wether is less humid and has cooled down considerably of late. The oppressive humidity never helps.

• Sleeping - naps are important, people!

• Surrounding myself with things l like to look at such as flowers and candles

• Crochet - you can't tell me you didn't expect that! It's not only good for he mind in terms of keeping it active and healthy but its found to be very relaxing and stress relieving and extremely good for anxiety levels. And that's scientifically proven, not just said by me.

• Reading or listening to podcasts - I've recently gotten back into radio and just listening. I started one day when i didn't want the incessant noise that seems to come form Japanese supermarkets and shopping malls. It can be super overwhelming. So I put on my headphones and listened to some music. But that was too much too. I needed voices because I needed English and I needed something that would clash with my surroundings. At this point I found the Scummy Mummies podcast and haven't stopped listening since. it feels more me. I love music but I love the sound of voices and language too.

• Journaling - this is effectively my brain dump at the end of the day. I tend to dump all my thoughts down in my journal. it used to be more of a diary where I would just record the events of the day but I stopped doing it for a while. I realised its because it wasn't giving me what I needed so I changed it up. Of course I put important events in there too but it's more of a journal of discovery now. How's that for mindfulness?!

So it's not all excessive. It's little, often takes up small portions of my day and I've incorporated some of them into my daily routine.